【英语生活】不妨把工作烦恼带回家 It can help to bring work stress home

Google’s Larry Page recently suggested abandoning the 40-hour week altogether, kicking off another round of the work-life balance debate. But even if you do put in your eight hours a day without checking your smartphone over dinner and taking calls in the evening, work can still prey on your mind and eat into personal time.

So, can you leave workplace worries at the office door – and is it desirable to do so?

Fergus O’Connell, author of The Power of Doing Less says that if you are good at compartmentalising, it is possible to keep office anxiety out of home life. He suggests using your commute to decompress, think through your problems and get a sense of proportion. “You unwind, you realise you’ve built these things up to be bigger than they are – and pretty soon you realise that all your worries are first world worries.”

You could also provide yourself with a “buffer” activity after work. The classic is going to the gym (or running or cycling home) and using exercise to work through stress, but other options include having a drink with friends or colleagues. The latter can work particularly well as a bar gives everyone a chance to speak more freely than at work.

A final possibility is a trusted confidant at the office. However, the competitive and insecure nature of modern work means that people can be uncomfortable sharing with their peers. Think of the stereotypical boss who will discuss his deepest worries only with his PA.

While there are plenty of coping strategies, Sir Cary Cooper, professor of organisational psychology and health at Lancaster University, says that some anxiety-creep is inevitable: “If you work in a professional role, it is very hard to leave all your worries at work.” However, he adds, this may not be a bad thing. In the majority of professional couples both partners work, so sharing work concerns can be a kind of reciprocal support arrangement.

In fact discussing your worries and confiding in each other can be cathartic for both of you and help forge stronger bonds. Moreover, your partner will bring their knowledge of work to your situation and may be able to offer fresh insights to your problems.

You should ensure you pick the right time, though. “Don’t do it when you’re putting the kids to bed or just before you go to bed,” advises Prof Cooper. “Do it when you are both in a state to talk and listen.”

You should also take care not to moan all the time or to let it get too one-sided. It is fine to gripe one evening, but the next day, try to come home with something positive to say. You do not want your partner to associate your arrival with endless carping.

Mr O’Connell says: “Many people take their partners for granted but you don’t have the right to endlessly complain to them.” In fact, he suggests: “You might say, ‘I’ve had a really tough day. Do you mind if I moan about it?’”

谷歌(Google)的拉里?佩奇(Larry Page)最近建议干脆放弃40小时工作制，从而掀起了新一轮有关平衡工作与生活的辩论。但就算你每天勤勤恳恳工作8个小时，不在晚餐时查手机，不在晚上接电话，工作仍然会萦绕在你心头，侵占你的私人时间。

那么，能否将工作中的烦恼留在办公室里？这样做又是否有益？

《少做的力量》(The Power of Doing Less)一书作者弗格斯?奥康奈尔(Fergus O’Connell)表示，如果你善于把生活的不同部分划分得清清楚楚，便有可能将工作中的焦虑锁在家门外。他建议利用通勤时间为自己减压，把自己遇到的问题想清楚，分清事情的轻重缓急。“放松下来，你就会意识到，事情其实没有你想象的那么严重——然后你很快就会发现，你的一切烦恼都不过是幸福的烦恼。”

你还可以在工作后进行“缓冲”活动。通常的做法是去健身房（也可以跑步或骑车回家），通过锻炼来化解压力。也可以选择与朋友或同事喝上一杯。后者可能尤其管用，因为比起在办公室里，酒吧可以让人更加畅所欲言。

最后一个选择是向交好的同事倾诉。然而，如今的工作竞争激烈且不稳定，意味着人们可能不太情愿与同事分享秘密。想想大多数老板是怎么做的就知道了——他们只会与私人助理探讨自己最担心的问题。

虽然有不少方法可应对工作烦恼，但兰卡斯特大学(Lancaster University)组织心理与健康学教授卡里?库珀爵士(Sir Cary Cooper)表示，焦虑感缠身是难以避免的：“身处职场，很难将工作中所有的烦恼全部抛诸脑后。”但他补充道，这可能并非坏事。夫妻都是专业人士的情况下，夫妻双方大多都工作，因此分享工作中的烦心事或许能成为夫妻相互支持的一种方式。

事实上，讨论自己的烦恼，向彼此吐露心事，对夫妻双方都能起到很好的心理疏导作用，也有助于巩固夫妻关系。此外，你的伴侣会将自己对工作的见解应用于你的情况，或许还能为你带来解决问题的新思路。

但要保证选对谈话时机。“不要在哄孩子睡觉或是在即将睡觉之前说这些，”库珀教授建议，“要在你们俩的状态都适合谈话和倾听时提起这个话题。”

还应当注意，不要老是抱怨，也不要让一方老是倾听。抱怨一个晚上没什么问题，但第二天回家时，应努力找些积极的东西说。你肯定不希望让伴侣觉得，只要你一回家，无休无止的抱怨就会开始。

欧康奈尔表示：“许多人想当然地认为自己可以无休无止地向伴侣抱怨，但其实你无权这么做。”他的建议是：“你可以说，‘我这一天过得糟透了。你介不介意我抱怨一下？’”

译者/徐天辰