The problemMy wife won't come to corporate events with me and I am beginning to fear this might damage my career. Recently she has turned down the opera with important clients and a buffet supper at my boss's house. She says she has more than enough to do with her own job and our four children. I understand, but my colleagues and work contacts seem to think that either my wife is unpresentable or my marriage is in trouble – neither of which is true. What should I do?

Manager, male, 39

The answers

Lucy

I quite understand why your wife might not want to be dragged out to supper with your boss. What I don't understand is your fear that turning up without her could hurt your career.

Possibly in the diplomatic service a presentable wife is still an asset. But in most other jobs a man can rise all the way to the top with no one on his arm at parties.

Next time you go on your own to a corporate do, I suggest you comfort yourself by looking at how unpresentable some of the other wives are. Indeed, the main collateral damage that a wife can inflict on her husband is not by her absence but by her presence. I know of one who gets so drunk her head goes into her plate as pudding is served. One is so bitter that any client or colleague trapped talking to her feels like they have been given a toxic injection. Others offend by being dull and vapid or indiscreet. I know one who loves to tell “cute” stories about her husband's ways with the toothpaste tube. Corporate wives can also be a liability by flirting outrageously. And even wonderful wives can be a problem if they are so funny and so bright and engaging that the husband looks a dull thing by comparison.

If you persist in your fond idea that she should be by your side, the important thing is to get her to come willingly. If you have forced her to come when she is shattered, she may be grumpy and sarky, which won't do you any good.

The answer is a voucher system – something that I've pioneered at home. She issues you with a fixed number of vouchers – say, two or three a year. You then cash them in on the occasions that really matter to you. On voucher nights she must come along and behave graciously. On other nights you accept her absence with good grace. What you give her in exchange for the vouchers is up to both of you. Cash might be acceptable, or benefits in kind such as willing and prompt accomplishment of tedious chores.

GET A NEW WIFE
Your marriage is in trouble. You need a wife who is prepared to give up one or two of her “precious evenings” to help her husband.

Manager, male, 66

FIND A GAY FRIEND
My wife, a chief executive, constantly moans at my reluctance to attend corporate events. She now takes along a gay friend who loves any type of diversion. Maybe you should look for a similar solution.

Manager, male, 58

TART UP THE EVENTS
If your wife finds these events boring, then other wives probably do too. So why not change the style of the events? Try theatre and music, galleries, parties in very swish places. If she still won't come change your job. A good wife is rarer than a good job!

Wife, ex-professional, 50

LEAVE HER BE

I frequently take clients to the opera without my wife, who, like yours, works. I suggest you get the message across to your colleagues that she has her own career. Correctly put, they will envy you . . . especially if they are burdened with high-maintenance, non-working wives.

If you want to show them how attractive she is, put a large framed picture of her on your desk.

Banker, male, 58

PAY HER
I once worked for a company where partners were paid a small allowance for such events. I remember my wife writing to my boss: “It helps a girl to smile through the occasional long evening and keeps her in tights.”

Director, male, 56

DO A DEAL
You clearly have a demanding job; you also seem fiercely ambitious; and you expect your wife to look after four children; and she works. You both expect too much. Ask your wife to commit to one evening a month. In return, you might spend one day a month looking after your children. If she won't agree to that, maybe your marriage is in trouble.

MD, male, 52

G?TTERD?MMERUNG!
Easy! Invite another woman, preferably a young and attractive one. Your wife will be at your side before you can say “G?tterd?mmerung”.

Fund manager, male, 45

问题：我妻子不喜欢和我一起参加公司活动，而我开始担心，这或许会影响我的职业发展。就在最近，她拒绝了与我一起陪几个重要客户看歌剧，还拒绝出席在我老板家的一次非正式晚餐。她说，她自己的工作和我们的4个孩子已经够她忙的了。我对此很理解，但我的同事以及和我有业务联系的人似乎认为，要么是我妻子不登大雅之堂，要么就是我们的婚姻遇到了麻烦。但事实并非如此。我该怎么办？

经理，男，39岁

露西的回答：

我非常理解你妻子不希望被你拉去与你老板共进晚餐的原因。但我不解的是，你为什么担心她的缺席会影响你的职业发展。

在外交领域，一位举止得体的妻子可能仍然是一项资产。但在其它大多数职业中，一个男人完全可以在无人与之共赴聚会的情况下升到最高层。

下次单独参加公司活动时，我建议你看看一些人的妻子是多么不登大雅之堂，以此安慰自己。事实上，一位妻子可能为她丈夫带来严重间接损害的方式，不是她的缺席，而是她的出席。我知道有这么一位，她喝得大醉，一头扎进去自己面前装着布丁的盘子。有一位妻子很爱挖苦人，以至于任何与其交谈的客户或同事都觉得他们好像被毒针扎了一样。有些妻子则表现得很无聊或轻浮。我知道这样一个人，她喜欢讲述有关自己丈夫使用牙膏管的“趣”事。妻子们还会因为肆无忌惮地调情，而变成丈夫的一项负担。即便是出色的妻子也会成为一个难题——如果她们非常有趣、非常聪明并且非常迷人，相比之下，丈夫看上去就会变成一个无趣的人。

如果你坚持你的想法，认为她应当在你身边，那么，重要的是使她愿意与你一起出席。如果你在她很疲劳的时候强迫她参加，她或许会表现得性情急躁并且爱挖苦人，这不会给你带来任何好处。

解决方法就是设立一个优惠券制度。我家已率先使用了这种制度。她给你固定数量的优惠券，比如说每年2张或3张。你在对你来说真正重要的情况下使用这个优惠券。在使用优惠券的晚上，她必须在你身旁，并且举止优雅。在其它夜晚，你则宽容地接受她的缺席。至于用什么来交换这种优惠券，取决于你们两个。现金也可以，或者心甘情愿地迅速完成枯燥的家务，诸如此类。

娶个新老婆

你的婚姻可能有存在问题。你需要一个随时准备放弃一两个“珍贵的夜晚”而帮助丈夫的妻子。

经理，男性，66岁

找一个女同性恋朋友

我妻子是个首席执行官，一直抱怨我不愿出席她们公司的活动。现在，她带着一位喜欢一切娱乐的男同性恋朋友参加。或许，你应当找一个类似的解决方法。

经理，男性，58岁

增加活动的吸引力

如果你妻子感到这些活动很无聊，那么其他人的妻子或许也会这样认为。那么，为什么不改变这些活动的方式呢？尝试一下剧院、音乐厅、画廊，或者在时尚的地点搞聚会。如果她还不来，那你就换份工作。一个好妻子比一份好工作更难得！

妻子，前专业人士，50岁

由她去

就像你妻子一样，我妻子也工作，但我经常在没有妻子陪同的情况下带客户去剧院。我建议你让所有同事都知道，你妻子有自己的工作。如果做法得当，他们会妒忌你的……特别是当他们供养着花销很高、而又没有工作的妻子时。

如果你希望向他们展示你妻子是多么迷人，那就在桌上放一个大相框，里面放上她的照片。

银行家，男性，58岁

付她钱

我曾经服务于一家公司，员工的伴侣参加这类活动时可以得到小额津贴。我记得我妻子给我的老板写信说：“这让一个女孩在偶尔的晚间活动期间保持微笑，并始终衣着得体。”

主管，男性，56岁

做笔交易

很明显，你有一份要求很高的工作；你看上去极有野心；你期望你妻子照顾4个孩子；而她还在工作。你们两人的期望都太多了。你可以请你妻子每个月参加一次公司活动。作为回报，你每个月花一天时间照顾4个孩子。如果她不同意，那你的婚姻或许存在麻烦了。

执行董事，男性，52岁

众神的黄昏！

很简单！邀请另一位女性，最好是位又年轻又有吸引力的女性。在你即将高唱“众神的黄昏”时，你妻子将出现在你身边。

（《众神的黄昏》是歌剧《尼伯龙根的指环》的第四幕，在这一幕，哈根对西格弗里德下毒药，使他忘掉布琳希尔德，同意娶昆达的妹妹古鲁特娜为妻。——译者注）

基金经理，男性，45岁