THE PROBLEM

I am one of three directors at a small consultancy. I work long hours and travel extensively. I love my job – it is interesting and well paid – but miss spending time with my two young sons. I have decided to take six weeks' non-paid leave in the summer but don't know how to convince my fellow directors that my enthusiasm and determination have not diminished. Both of them are very career-minded and are focused on becoming millionaires as soon as possible.

Consultant, male, 37



LUCY'S ANSWER



There's no point in trying to convince them your dedication has not changed. It has changed: you are no longer dedicated enough to work during summer as you'd rather see your children.

It sounds as if you're guilty of the worst sort of parental thinking – the sort that supposes you can both have a workaholic job and be an involved father, and that your work mates should somehow be supportive of whatever you decide to do. To you, your sons are precious. To your directors, they are a nuisance.

I suggest that you present it to them in a different, truer light. Tell them that your job still matters to you very much although there are other things that matter to you as well.

Maybe you should suggest that, when the time comes to sell the business and become millionaires, you take a slightly smaller share – pro rata with the reduced effort that you've put in.

The real test will not be how the first discussion goes but how the six weeks works in practice. I have my doubts on this. First, unless yours is a company that goes all sluggish in the summer, you will miss a lot in six weeks. Second, having a huge helping of domesticity once a year may prove indigestible for you and your sons.

If I were you, I'd try something more flexible. Say that you want to go home early one day a week. Then you can see your sons for a bit and do some more work after they have gone to bed. Your best hope for a harmonious solution is if both of the other directors swiftly have children of their own and start to feel just as torn as you do now.

YOUR ADVICE

Just do it

Your fellow directors can think what they like. You should damn the torpedoes and take summers off if that's what will make you happiest.

Manager, male, 45

Hard facts

Avoid nebulous concepts like “enthusiasm” and “determination” and go for the tangible. You should use robust reporting of real things like revenues, profitability and client satisfaction to demonstrate that you are pulling your weight.

Consultant, male, 45

Mum's word

Since you didn't mention how the mother of your little darlings feels about your well-intentioned career suicide, let me elucidate.

If you really care about your boys, continue to pursue your career, which you obviously enjoy, and leave the driving to Mum. She won't want you mussing up all her good training for six long weeks anyway.

Then, when they are seven and five respectively, take them on an extended vacation and give their mother a well-deserved break.

Mother of two, 37

Sunday dad

My father had a business and he put in long hours. The time I remember most is Sundays, when he would take us out to explore river banks and museums. It's those little things that will bring you closer to your kids and that they will remember for years to come.

Counsellor, male, 50

Stir crazy

Having stayed at home for 10 years with my young children, I can tell you your idea is terrible! After 10 days I guarantee you will be pining for the office.

Mother, 40

Relocate

Most Swedish managers would be able to trump you. Six weeks' paid leave between July and August is de rigueur. I suggest you relocate your company and drag your partners with you.

UK ex-pat, male, 40s

问题

我是一家小型咨询公司的三个董事之一。我要工作很长时间、到处出差。我喜欢我的工作（既有趣、挣的又多），但是不能花时间跟两个年幼的儿子在一起。我已经决定给自己放一个为期六周的无薪暑假，却不知道该如何让另外两位董事相信我的热情和决心没有丝毫衰减。他们两位都是非常顾工作的人，一心只想尽快成为富豪。

顾问，男性，37岁



露西的回答



不要试图让他们相信你的奉献精神没有改变，这没有什么意义。它已经改变了：在夏天，你不再会向工作投入足够的精力，因为你更想看着自己的孩子。

听起来，你似乎有那种为人父母者最糟糕的想法——自以为既能拥有一份废寝忘食的工作，又能当一个称职的父亲，而且你的工作伙伴还应该在一定程度上支持你的任何决定。对你来说，你的儿子非常宝贵；对你的董事们来说，他们就是一个麻烦。

我建议你用另外一种更真实的方式向他们陈述这件事。告诉他们，你的工作对你来说仍然意义重大，但是还有一些对你来说也同样重要的事。

也许你应该提议，等到卖出这家公司、大家成为富豪时，你拿的那份可以少一点——与你投入的减少成正比。

实际上，真正的考验不是最初的讨论会有什么结果，而是这六周能起什么作用。我对此深表怀疑。首先，除非你的公司在暑期的进展非常缓慢，不然,你就会在六周里错过很多东西。其次，一年一次帮忙做大量家务，你和你的儿子们最后可能都不适应。

如果我是你，我就会尝试一些更灵活的做法。比如说，每周有一天早点回家。这样的话，你就可以看会儿你的儿子，还能在他们上床睡觉以后做更多的工作。你能指望的最和谐的解决办法莫过于：其他的董事迅速有了自己的孩子，并开始像你现在一样感受煎熬。





读者的建议



就那么做吧

你的董事同事们爱怎么想就怎么想吧。如果放暑假能给你最大的快乐，那你管它呢，就休假好了。

经理人，男性，45岁



用事实说话

避免使用“热情”、“决心”这样的模糊概念，说点切实的。你应该不由分说地讲收入、利润、客户满意度等实际的东西，来证明你是努力的。

顾问，男性，45岁

母亲的看法

既然你没有提你小宝贝的妈妈对你蓄意的职业自毁行为有何看法，那么就让我说明一下吧。

如果你确实关心自己的儿子，就继续追求自己的事业（显然你还很喜欢），把主导权留给妈妈吧。她不会希望你把她所有好的管教在六周时间里弄得一团糟。

然后，当他们分别长到7岁和5岁的时候，带他们去度个长假，让他们的妈妈好好休息一下，这是她应该得到的休息。

两个孩子的妈妈，37岁

周日爸爸

我父亲曾有一家公司，他要投入很多时间。我记得最多的时光是周日，他会带我们去河边和博物馆。那些小事能拉近你和自己孩子的距离，他们多年以后也会记得。

法律顾问，男性，50岁



在家憋得发狂

我在家和自己年幼的孩子们待了十年，我可以告诉你，你的想法太可怕了！经过十年，我保证你会渴望办公室。

母亲，40岁

公司搬家

大多数瑞典经理人的情况都比你强。七月和八月之间的六周带薪假期是严格规定必须要有的。我建议你们公司搬家，把你的伙伴都拉上。

英国长期驻外人员，男性，40多岁

译者/徐柳