【英语生活】“有用”的派对

Six billionaires came to the surprise 60th birthday party that Conrad Black gave for his wife. So did Henry Kissinger, Barry Humphries, Anna Wintour and six dozen other big names. The food was sublime, as was the wine, and the bill came to $62,869.57. Black paid $20,000 of that and put the rest on expenses.

I've been greedily devouring the details of Barbara Amiel's party that have been emerging from her husband's trial. Schadenfreude feels good, but so does disapproval, and thinking about that party makes me wallow in it.

First I deeply disapprove of surprise birthday parties – I've told my husband I will divorce him if he ever throws one for me. I also disapprove of talking to famous people. Being in the same room as them can be nice as the reflected glamour is vaguely exciting, but talking to them for any length of time isn't. They are too self- centred, generally too tired and too scared
of saying anything interesting lest it get out. I also disapprove of the over-fancy amuse-bouches served with the champagne. Such handled food makes me long for
a packet of cheese and onion Hula Hoops. And as for the “fine calligraphy” in which each menu was individually written, that is downright vulgar.

The one thing that I don't necessarily disapprove of about the party is the big thing: that Black put two-thirds of the bill on expenses. The only excuse for holding such
a dreadful occasion is that it served a business function. If it did (and that is what the court must decide) then getting the company to pay for some of it seems not unreasonable.

More interesting than the question of who should pick up the bill is why one would want to have business contacts at a birthday party at all. Yet in this Black is not alone: you don't need to be quite as rich or quite as beastly as him to hijack private events and turn them into schmoozing business occasions. You simply need to have a particularly naked sort of ambition.

Tests have shown that schmoozing can work. It worked brilliantly for the earlier part of Black's career and I know other people who are using it to great effect now.

Not long ago, I went to a birthday party given by an acquaintance. I was easily the most unimportant person in the room: the man had invited the entire board of his company as well as anyone else he could think of who was vaguely anybody. I was a bit grumpy on the way home and also a bit superior. What a dreary party, I said. And how pathetic, doesn't the man have any friends? Six months later he had been promoted into the job of his dreams.

To pull off this sort of schmoozing isn't easy. You need to be shameless enough to ask hugely successful people to your party, but you also need to sound alluring enough to get them to turn up. A friend in advertising was recently invited by a pushy young colleague to the reception at his wedding. He boasted that the biggest names in the industry would be there, but when my friend turned up she found herself in an opulent room in a Pall Mall club with 40 other people and a table on which a couple of hundred glasses of champagne waited with no one to drink them.

The crossover of business and private parties creates problems for the guest. It is helpful to know which sort of do you are at, so you can behave accordingly. The test of whether a party is a genuine celebration is not the absence of people more important than the host. It is the presence of people less important. Amiel's fails this test: the only people junior to Black were one nephew of his and a couple of Hollinger executives.

By contrast, the late Gay Firth, a friend and FT colleague, once gave a party to which she had invited a series of Tory grandees as well
as an assortment of people from the FT. I remember watching her introduce the former chancellor of the exchequer and his wife to a shy, junior, down-table sub-editor. Gay took this young woman enthusiastically by the arm and said “Have you met Geoffrey and Elspeth?” She passed the test with flying colours: hers was clearly a private party, and nice it was too.

If I get asked to a party that fails the test, coping strategies are sometimes needed. A drinks party is straightforward, as leaving is easy. A sit-down meal is harder, though I've been given an interesting tip by a well-known City figure who goes to a lot of these things.

He reasons that if the party is really a work do, then work rules apply. So when he finds himself next to someone grand who has underperformed conversationally, he takes it upon himself to offer some frank feedback. At the end of the meal he may tell them that
they should have tried a little harder to be congenial, or that they should have asked him some questions about himself.

I very much doubt if this will make these rude, grand guests behave better at the next Conrad Black-style event they attend. But it may solve my City friend's problem. He may soon stop being invited

六位亿万富豪前来参加康拉德•布莱克(Conrad Black)为她妻子举行的60岁生日惊喜派对。到场的还有亨利•基辛格(Henry Kissinger)、巴里•哈姆弗瑞斯(Barry Humphries)、安娜•温图(Anna Wintour)以及另外几十位大人物。饭菜极其出色，酒也甚为超群，费用高达62869.57美元。布莱克自己掏了2万美元，其余的作为公司业务支出。我一直在贪婪地看着芭芭拉•艾米尔(Barbara Amiel)生日派对的各个细节，这些细节都来自对她丈夫案卷的审理。幸灾乐祸的感觉不错，但反对的感觉也不错。想到这个派对，就让我沉浸在反对的情绪中。

首先，我非常反对搞生日惊喜派对——我曾经对我丈夫说，要是他给我弄这么一出，我就跟他离婚。我还反对跟名人谈话。与他们共处一室可能是不错，因为那种沾了光的气氛让人感到隐隐约约的兴奋。不过，跟他们谈话，不管是长是短，就不会有这种感觉了。他们太以自我为中心，又总是太疲倦，而且太害怕说些有趣的话，生怕这些话被传出去。我还反对跟香槟酒一起端上来的过于花哨的“美味餐前菜(amuse-bouches)”。这种人工痕迹过重的食品让我深深怀念一小包芝士洋葱圈。至于每个菜单里单独手写的“精美书法”，简直是俗气不堪。

对于这个派对，我并不十分反对的一个问题反而是个大问题，就是：布莱克把三分之二的费用算作业务支出。举行这么一个可怕的活动，唯一的借口就是它会起到商业作用。如果它确实起到作用了（那得由法庭裁决），那么，让公司来付部分账单似乎也没什么不合理。

比谁该买单这个问题更有趣的是：为什么有人竟然想要在生日派对上进行商务接触？然而，在这个问题上，并非只有布莱克是这样的：硬要把一个私人活动变成商业闲谈场合，你并不需要像他那么有钱、或像他那么极端。你只需要有一颗赤裸裸的野心。

测试表明，闲谈有用。闲谈在布莱克职业生涯的早期起到了非凡的作用，而且我知道，现在，也有其他人利用闲谈取得了卓著成效。

不久前，我去参加一个熟人举行的生日派对。我显然是屋里最不重要的人：我这个熟人邀请了自己公司的整个董事会，还有一些在他看来可能是个人物的人。在回家的路上，我有点暴躁，同时还有点高傲。我自言自语地说，多么沉闷的派对啊。多么可怜啊！难道这个人就没有什么朋友了吗？6个月之后，他被提拔到了梦寐以求的职位上。

要实现这种闲谈并不容易。你得脸皮厚到足以能去邀请非常成功的人士来参加你的派对，你的说词听起来也得足够吸引人，能让他们真的参加。我在广告业的一个朋友最近受到一个有进取心的年轻同事的邀请，参加他的婚宴。这位同事吹嘘说，广告业最重要的人物都会出席。但是，当我的朋友去那里时，她发现自己和40个人一起置身在帕尔摩街(Pall Mall)某家俱乐部的一间豪华包房里，一张桌子上摆好了几百杯香槟，却没有人喝。

商务和私人派对的交叉，为来宾制造了难题。弄清楚你参加的是哪类派对，这很有用，因为这样你就可以相机行事。检验一个派对是否是真正的庆祝活动，不是看缺席者是否比主人更重要，而是要看出席者是否没有主人重要。艾米尔的派对没有通过这项检验：比布莱克级别低的，只有他的一个侄子和霍林格公司(Hollinger)的两名高管。

与之形成对比的是，已故的盖伊•弗斯(Gay Firth)曾经举行过一个派对，邀请了很多保守党(Tory)显贵和英国《金融时报》的各色人等。她是我的一个朋友，也是我在英国《金融时报》的同事。我记得，我亲眼看见她把英国前任财政大臣及其夫人引见给一位害羞、级别较低、坐在下手桌的文字编辑。盖伊热情地挽着这个年轻女士，说道：“你见过杰弗里(Geoffrey)和伊丽莎白(Elspeth)吗？”她成功地通过了这项检验：她的派对显然是一个私人派对，而且也不错。

如果我受邀去参加一个不能通过这项检验的派对，有时候就需要一些应对策略。酒会是最简单的，因为要离开很容易。坐下来用餐的派对比较难，不过，一位经验丰富的金融城著名大人物对我讲了一个有趣的诀窍。

他推理说，如果这个派对确实是一项要做的工作，那么工作规则就会适用。所以，当他发现自己挨着一个不善言谈的重要人物时，他就主动做出一些坦率的反馈。在用餐结束时，他会告诉他们，他们应该更加努力表现得随和一点。或者，他们应该问他一些关于他本人的问题。

我非常怀疑这种做法是否能让这些无礼的贵宾在下次参加布莱克式活动时表现得好一点。但是，这种做法也许会解决我那位金融城朋友的问题。过不了多久，可能就没人邀请他了。

译者/徐柳