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2010-5-30 12:20
I am an ambitious woman in a large multinational. My immediate boss is threatened by my talents and blocking my rise. My strategy has been to find a mentor above him, a man who is a true champion and says I have what it takes to reach the very top. However, recently he's started inviting me out to drinks on my own after work. Now I fear I've alienated my boss by going over his head, and risk losing my mentor if I refuse his advances. How do I get out of this tricky situation?Manager, female, 35
LUCY'S ANSWER You have a flair for alienating people. Not only have you alienated your boss and are about to alienate your mentor, you've also alienated FT readers. On the strength of one short paragraph they have decided you are unpleasantly ambitious, devious, probably talentless and a shameless flirt. Because everyone else is being so beastly, I feel the need to defend you and assume things are precisely as you describe: you are stuck between a jealous boss and a lecherous one, and that can't be nice. Of the two, the lecherous boss is the easier to deal with, though I'm worried by your saying " if I refuse his advances". Are you considering accepting them? If so, you may end up with a rather bigger problem - which I would be delighted to answer in due course. Otherwise, the trick is to be polite but forbidding. In my (limited) experience, being forbidding is dead easy. You just keep on saying no, you don't seek him out, don't return messages. You will lose his patronage, but that wasn't really worth having anyway. As he was mainly interested in seducing you, he was never to be believed with his "you could go to the very top" chat-up line. A bigger problem is your jealous boss, though even here things aren't irreparably bad: you just need to manage him better. If he is threatened by you, then be less threatening. Allow him to pass off your triumphs as his own. Ask him for advice. Try working for him rather than for yourself, and he may rate you a bit more. But there is something in your message that makes me think you may not be able to do this. If you hold him in contempt, all is lost. In that case, deploy your considerable skills to manoeuvre yourself into another department or out altogether. YOUR ADVICE Charming I am also a woman in my mid-30s and I pride myself in producing results. I am very attractive and when this happens to me I ignore it, all the while retaining my charm as if nothing has happened. It becomes very clear that I am not interested. You give women like me a bad name and reputation. Lobbyist, female, 34 Report him Concerning your mentor: report the SOB. The fact that you are an idiot has nothing to do with his outrageous behaviour. Consultant, male, 48 Tightrope Most men have no idea of the tightrope women walk in climbing the corporate ladder. Forming alliances with men is fraught with a sexual element no matter how businesslike the arrangement. I'd recommend pulling back from the mentor diplomatically, and try to mend fences with your boss. Hedge your bets by looking for another job just in case. Banker, female, 45 Lethal woman It is no surprise that your champion turned out to be a louse. Anyone with pure motives would avoid you out of a sense of self-preservation, if nothing else. By going around your boss, you telegraphed that you are disloyal and have no respect for the hierarchy on which any large organisation depends. The way out of this situation, however, is simple (and should have been your first strategy): perk up your CV, find a better job and move on. Lawyer, male, 36 Embarrassing Still two bosses above you by your mid-30s and you think you are capable of getting to the very top? I'm embarrassed for you. Anon 我是个雄心勃勃的女性，在一家大型跨国公司工作。我的才能对直接上司构成了威胁，因此阻碍了我的升迁。我的策略是找一个比他级别高的靠山，他是个真正的支持者，认为我有晋升到最高层所需的才华。然而，最近他开始在下班后单独约我出去喝东西。现在我担心由于越级，我已经疏远了我的上司，同时如果我拒绝靠山的示好，我也有可能失去他。我如何才能走出这种棘手的困境呢？
经理，女，35岁 露西的回答 你确实有疏远他人的天赋。你不但已经疏远了你的老板，还将疏远你的靠山，同时你也疏远了英国《金融时报》的读者。凭借一小段话，他们就判断出你是个野心勃勃得令人生厌的人，你狡猾、或许有些无能，而且还不知廉耻地调情。 因为其他所有人都如此残忍，我觉得有必要维护你，并假定事情完全像你描述的那样：你现在夹在一个嫉妒心很强的老板和一个好色的老板之间，这可不妙。在这两个人中，那个好色的老板比较容易对付，不过我对你所说的“如果我拒绝他的示好”感到担心。你打算接受这些示好吗？如果是这样，你可能最终会面临一个更严重的问题——到时候我愿意回答这个问题。 不然，就用这个窍门：有礼貌，但要令人难以亲近。在我（有限的）经历中，令人难以亲近简单透了。你只需一直说不，不去找他，也不回信。 你将失去他的保护，但那实际上并不值得拥有。由于他感兴趣的主要是勾引你，所以千万别相信他那些“你可以一直升到最高职位”的话。 比较严重的问题是你那位嫉妒心很强的老板，不过即便如此事情也没糟到不可挽回的地步：你只需更好地对付他。 如果他受到你的威胁，那你就少些威胁性。让他把你的成功当成是自己的。向他寻求建议。尝试为他工作，而不是为自己工作，他对你的评价可能会好一点。 但在你的话中，有些东西让我觉得你或许不能做到这一点。如果你对他有点轻视，一切都失去了意义。在这种情况下，施展你相当可观的技能，把自己调到另一个部门，或是干脆离开公司。 读者的建议 魅力迷人 我也是个35岁上下的女性，我在取得成果上感到自豪。我很有吸引力，当这种事发生在我身上时，我不予理会，始终保持我的魅力，就像什么都没发生过一样。这非常清楚地说明我对此不感兴趣。你使得像我这样的女性蒙上了坏名声。 游说者，女，34岁 告他的状 对于你的靠山：举报这个畜牲。虽说你是个白痴，但这不说明他的无耻行为有任何道理。 顾问，男，48岁 危险 大多数男性不知道女性在公司阶梯上攀爬的危险。与男性结成联盟充满了性的意味，无论这种安排是多么具有商业性。我建议圆滑地从与那位靠山的关系中撤出来，并尝试与你的老板修好。为防万一，再去找一份工作吧。 银行家，女，45岁 致命女性 你的支持者变成了一个道德败坏的人，这并不令人惊讶。如果没有其它原因的话，任何动机单纯的人都会由于自我保护而避免与你接触。从你绕过自己的老板，可以看出你不够忠诚，而且不尊重所有大型机构赖以维系的公司等级制度。 然而，脱离这种处境的方法很简单（这应该是你的首选策略）：整理一下你的简历，找个好点的工作，往前走。 律师，男，36岁 尴尬 在你35岁上下时，还有两个上司？你认为你有能力做到最高层吗？我为你感到尴尬。 匿名 译者/梁鸥 |