平台严格禁止发布违法/不实/欺诈等垃圾信息，一经发现将永久封禁帐号，针对违法信息将保留相关证据配合公安机关调查！
2010-5-30 12:26
The ProblemMy husband's company “went virtual” a year ago and now he's at home all day working from 6.15am to 4.15pm. He has started complaining to friends and co-workers that being with me 24/7 is driving him crazy. It is driving me crazy too but I don't know what to do about it.
I could walk the streets all day – which might at least make me very fit – or I could sit in Starbucks, but these don't seem ideal solutions. If we continue to be together like this it will destroy our marriage. Housewife, female, 66 LUCY'S ANSWER It is perfectly normal to find one's husband insanely irritating on prolonged exposure, especially if you aren't used to it. I know one couple who both work from home and like being together so much that if one pops out for a pint of milk the other gets restive. But they are weird: most people find their spouses considerably less attractive when they suddenly find themselves cooped up together all day long. “I married him for better or worse – not for lunch,” is the common cry of the woman in your position. The answer, though, is not for you to decamp to Starbucks – it is for him to do so. You were perfectly happy at home until he came barging back, but he, by the sounds of things, isn't happy at all. I suspect his real problem isn't just that you drive him mad, but that he is bereft without his office perks, his IT helpdesk and his PA. By far the best solution is for him to rent an office or, failing that, to work in the library – or in Starbucks. If he refuses, there is still hope. Indeed, my husband mostly works from home and we are experts in arranging our lives so that we hardly see each other. We do this first by living in a very tall house and by putting his study at the top. If you don't have a tall house, maybe you have a garden shed? Tell him that all sorts of successful people – Philip Pullman for one – work in sheds. You could also try living in shifts. We do this by assigning mornings to me. I get up early while my husband sleeps late and then stays up late. If your husband starts work at 6.15am, I suggest you sleep as late as you can. The only thing that makes me worry is that your husband is bad-mouthing you. Is this because he is a nasty person who has grown to dislike you? If so, it may take more than a shed to solve that problem. YOUR ADVICE Down the pub We went through this 10 years ago when I set up as a non-executive, and my wife and I were driving each other mad. If you can afford it, buy a small house as an office. Pack your husband off to the pub twice a week for some external contact. Get him to cook dinner sometimes. Get yourself a job. If you don't do something yours is a divorce waiting to happen. Director, male, 60s Stepford wife Can't you think of anything better to do than walk the streets all day or sit in a coffeeshop? If not, I suspect your husband's despair is that, being home all day, he's finally discovered what a boring person you are. P.S. All that coffee would be bad for you. Lawyer, male, 45 It'll get worse I fear for you. If you are 66, how old is he? What will happen when the poor wretch retires? You need counselling, and he needs help dealing with the inevitable: a permanent “vacation” from those corridors of power he so clearly misses. If you think he's a pain now . . . Entrepreneur, female, 63 Live with it Tell me about it! I work from home and most days I pray for my husband to get a 9am-5pm job and leave me in peace. However, I've learnt that the male ego is very delicate – especially when it comes to work. So, I have learnt to put up with The Rockford Files at 3pm or Stevie Wonder blasting out from the kitchen. Life is compromise, working from home even more so. Consultant, female Coffee envy Can we swap? I've dreamed of finding an excuse for sitting in Starbucks all day. Civil servant, female, 36 一年前，我老公的公司变成了一家网上交易公司。现在，他整天在家，从早上6：15工作到下午4：15。他已经开始跟朋友和同事抱怨了，说他每周七天、每天24小时都对着我，都要让他发疯了。其实我也要发疯了，只是不知道该怎么办。
我可以整天逛街（也许这样至少还能让我保持身体健康），我也可以在星巴克(Starbucks)里坐着……但这些似乎都不是理想的解决办法。如果我们继续这样呆在一起，我们的婚姻就要完蛋了。 一名66岁的家庭主妇 露西的回答 发现老公在你眼前晃悠时间太长而气得抓狂，是极其正常的现象，尤其是在你还不习惯的情况下。 我认识一对夫妇，两人都在家工作。他（她）们非常喜欢待在一起，以至于如果有一个人突然出去倒点牛奶喝，另一个都受不了。但是他（她）们纯属异类：大多数人在突然发现自己和配偶整天呆在一起时，都会觉得另一半的魅力大打折扣。 “我嫁给他是为了同甘共苦，但不是为了找个人一起吃午饭！”这是与你处境相同的女性普遍的呼声。不过，答案并不是要你逃亡到星巴克去，而是让他去。 在他闯回来之前，你在家待得极其开心。但根据各种迹象判断，他在家待得可一点儿都不开心。我猜，他真正的问题不只在于你让他发疯，而是他被剥夺了办公室津贴、IT支持和私人助理。迄今为止，对他而言，最好的解决办法就是租一间办公室，如果做不到的话，就去图书馆（或者星巴克）办公。 即使他拒绝的话，也还有希望。实际上，我老公就主要在家工作。我们都精于安排生活，所以我们几乎见不到面。 我们之所以能做到这一点，首先是因为我们住在一个内部空间很高的房子里，而且要把他的书房放到上面去。如果你没有这么高的房子，也许你有一个花棚？你可以对他讲，各种各样的成功人士——菲利普•普尔曼(Philip Pullman)就是其中一个——都是在棚子里工作的。你们也可以尝试倒班生活。我们夫妇的做法是，早上归我。我早早起床，而我老公晚起晚睡。如果你老公是早上6：15开始工作，那我建议你尽可能晚睡。 唯一让我担心的是你老公对你恶语相向。这是因为他是一个讨厌的家伙、已经对你生厌了吗？如果是这样的话，仅靠棚子可能解决不了问题了。 读者建议 去酒吧 十年前我和妻子就经历过这种情况了，当时我才开始做一名非主管行政人员。我们两个人都快把对方逼疯了。如果你的钱够用，不妨再买一间小房子做办公室。一周让你老公去两次酒吧，和外界接触一下。让他时不时做晚饭。你自己再找份活儿干。如果你什么都不做的话，离婚是迟早的事。 经理，男，60多岁 斯戴佛的机器主妇(Stepford Wife, 注：源自尼可•基德曼(Nicole Kidman)主演的同名电影) 除了整天在大街上逛，或是坐在咖啡店里，你就不能再想点更好的事情做做吗？如果你做不来别的，我怀疑你丈夫可能真是感到绝望了。整天呆在家里，他最终已经发现你是一个多么乏味的人。附：喝那么多咖啡对你没好处。 律师，男，45岁 情况会更糟 我为你感到担心。如果你都66岁了，他该有多大？等那个可怜的家伙退休了又该怎么办？你需要接受咨询，而他则需要有人帮助自己去面对那些不可回避的现实：离开他如此眷恋的权位，给自己永远地“放假”。如果你觉得他现在就这么令人讨厌的话… 企业家，女，63岁 接受现实吧 跟我说一说吧。我在家上班，所以多数时候我会祈祷：希望丈夫找一个朝九晚五的工作，好让我安静自在。不过我已经了解到，男人的自尊是非常薄弱的，尤其是在工作方面。因此，我也学会了忍受这一切：在下午三点听到电视剧《洛克福德档案》(Rockford Files)的声音，或是听到史蒂夫•旺达(Stevie Wonder)震耳欲聋的歌声从厨房里传来。生活就是妥协，在家里上班更是如此。 顾问，女 嫉妒喝咖啡的人 我们能换一下吗？我真是做梦也想找个借口去星巴克泡上一整天。 公务员，女，36岁 译者/徐柳、李晖 |