【英语生活】可怕的老板要来我家吃饭

I have invited my boss and his wife to dinner, but don't know who else to ask. He is formidable and doesn't find small talk easy. If I invite my most amusing friends I risk inflicting a boring evening on them. But if I ask some other dull people I risk boring my boss. I'm also uncertain about the food: at his house it was very formal, so should we get out our best china or do we deliberately make it casual? And how do I stop my wife from divorcing me, as she says she is dreading the whole event?Manager, male, 34

LUCY'S ANSWER

A few years ago my husband invited his business backer to dinner. I fretted over menu and guest list, finally choosing a beef carbonnade I had never made before. The meat reacted badly with the designer lager and turned into petrified lumps in a sauce that tasted like petrol. We had invited our most amusing friends and briefed them on what to say. One got drunk and went on and on repeating his script until I had to take him to one side and tell him to stop. In all, a terrible evening.

You can do better. For a start, be clear about the point of this dinner, which I imagine is to create goodwill. This can be done in a way that involves no special effort in advance: all you need do is be excessively nice and welcoming to him and to his wife. If he doesn't do small talk, ask him questions and listen to the answers. If he makes a joke, laugh.

As for the other details, the main goal is to avoid mishap. There is no need to inflict a dull evening on your exciting friends. Instead invite safe but uninspiring people you owe dinner to. In my experience the chemistry of dinner parties is so chancy that inviting a group of tedious people is no more likely to produce a tedious evening than inviting a table full of supposedly interesting ones.

As for the menu, go for something that you have served often before. Buy lots of nice wine. Make sure that dinner is on the table promptly so that the evening can end early.

This leaves only the problem of your wife. Help with the dinner. Cook it yourself if you can. Otherwise say “thank you” often. And promise never to do it again. One of the nice things about being low down in a hierarchy is that hospitality need not be symmetrical: the boss invites you, but you, thank goodness, do not have to ask him back



YOUR ADVICE

Wife pleaser

You say your wife is dreading the whole event. How do you think the boss's wife feels? A good deal worse, probably. The way to salvage this event is to build it, subtly, around her. Invite people that she might like. You will come across as having more class than a servile fawner and you will make a favourable impression on the person who has the greatest influence on your boss.

Stockbroker, male, 47

It's a work do

You are inviting your boss not because he is a friend but because you feel the need to “network”. So follow through and make the evening a proper networking event. Who would like to meet him and do business with him? Invite these, and do a briefing note about the guests to everyone in advance. Keep it a relatively formal but relaxed atmosphere. Your boss will be impressed with your contacts and see you as an asset to the business. And take your wife away for a romantic weekend to rescue your marriage.

PR, female, 52

Best china

When I entertain my boss I give him a large box of exclusive chocolates from my local village baker in France. They are extremely popular with his wife and give the impression that I consider their company as exclusive as the chocolates. If your boss realises you really want him to have an enjoyable evening, he will appreciate you all the more for it.

Engineer, female, 34

Priory calls

Book yourself into The Priory and sort your head out. What were you thinking of? Bosses are bad enough at work but inflicting them on yourself and your spouse in leisure time is inexcusable.

Anon

我邀请了我的老板和他的夫人来用晚餐，但不知道还要叫谁。他是个令人生畏的人，而且不擅长闲聊。如果我邀请我那些最风趣的朋友来，我担心他们可能会度过一个无聊的夜晚。但如果再叫一些呆板的人，我的老板就有可能感到无聊。另外我还不确定准备什么菜：在他家吃饭时非常正式，那么我们应该拿出最好的瓷器吗？还是应该故意让氛围变得随意些呢？另外，我怎么才能阻止我妻子和我离婚呢？因为她说她对整件事感到惴惴不安。经理，男，34岁

露西的回答



几年前，我丈夫邀请了他的业务赞助者用晚餐。我对于菜单和客人名单感到很头疼，最终我选择了我从来没做过的洋葱啤酒炖牛肉。牛肉和特制啤酒放在一起糟糕极了，变成了硬邦邦的肉块，调味酱的味道就像汽油一样。我们邀请了我们最风趣的朋友，而且告诉他们该说什么。但其中一个朋友喝醉了，不停地重复着他的“台词”，直到我把他带到一旁，让他住口。总之，那天晚上糟糕透顶。

你可以做得更好。首先，明确这次晚餐的重点，我想应该是建立良好关系吧。在某种程度上，事先不用做特别的工作就能达到这种效果：你需要做的就是极力表现出友好的态度，欢迎他和他的妻子。如果他不主动闲聊，那就问他些问题并倾听他的回答。如果他开玩笑，那你大笑就好了。

至于其它细节，主要目标是避免出现倒霉的事。没有必要让你那些令人兴奋的朋友度过一个无聊的夜晚。相反，邀请一些你欠人家饭的安全而平常的人。依我的经验，晚餐聚会的化学反应非常不确定，以至于邀请一群无聊的人制造一个无聊夜晚的可能性，不比邀请一桌本应颇有趣的人制造一个无聊夜晚的可能性高到哪去。

至于菜单，选一些你以前经常做的菜。多买些好葡萄酒。确保饭菜可以很快上桌，这样晚餐就能早点结束。

这只给你妻子留下一个问题。帮忙准备晚餐。如果你可以的话，就自己做。要不就要把“谢谢”挂在嘴边，而且承诺再也不干这种事了。在公司等级中身处下层的好处之一就是，盛情款待这种事不需要对称：老板邀请你，但你（谢天谢地）不一定非要回请他。



读者的建议

“妻管严”

你说你妻子对整件事感到惴惴不安。那么你认为你老板的妻子是什么感觉呢？可能感觉更差。挽救这件事的方法是巧妙地将她作为晚餐的中心。邀请一些她有可能喜欢的人。你会给人留下比卑躬屈膝的奉承者更好的印象，这样你将给那个对你老板影响最大的人留下良好印象。

股票经纪人，男，47岁

这是件要做的事

你邀请你的老板并不是因为他是你的朋友，而是因为你觉得有必要建立“人际网”。所以，坚持到底，让这个夜晚成为一次融洽的联络感情聚会。谁愿意见他，和他做生意？邀请这些人，而且事先告诉所有人要来的客人是谁。相对正式一些，但气氛要比较放松。你的老板会对你的关系网印象深刻，并将你视为公司的宝贵资产。然后带你妻子过一个浪漫的周末，挽救你们的婚姻。

公关人士，女，52岁

拿出最好的瓷器

我款待我老板时，我给了他一大盒高档巧克力，那出自我法国家乡的乡村糕点师之手。他妻子非常喜欢这些巧克力，而且给他们留下了这样一种印象：我把他们的到来视为像巧克力一样珍贵。如果你的老板意识到你确实想让他度过一个美好的夜晚，你会对你大为欣赏的。

工程师，女，34岁

给Priory精神病院打电话

给The Priory打电话预约，看看自己脑袋出了什么毛病。你在想什么呢？工作中老板就够坏的了，而在闲暇时间让他们再来折磨你自己和你妻子实在说不过去。

匿名

译者/梁鸥