【英语生活】大家都来讲粗口

This column contains strong language. More than that, this column is about strong language - which explains why it contains some.In writing it I faced a dilemma: either spell out the strong words in full and risk offending readers, or put in asterisks and risk offending myself.

I have chosen the former, as to write f*** or s*** feels like draping a doily over a dog turd. The turd is still there: you can see it peeping through the holes and it smells just as bad, but its offensiveness is made worse by the futility of the effort to cover it up.

With this warning issued, I can now tell a story that happened to me a few days ago. It was five past six in the evening, and I was behind deadline for filing a column. Hastily I pressed send, though forgot to press save first. The column vanished.

"FUCK!" I said. This wasn't an articulate response, but then the occasion didn't call for one. I had spent the whole day trying to use words elegantly and now would have to start all over again.

"Fucking, fucking, fucking, shit, shit, shit," I said. There was something about the uncompromising nature of the words that made me start to feel a little better.

Last week, a professor at the University of East Anglia made the headlines by declaring that such outbursts at work can be a good thing. Yehuda Baruch argued that while swearing is neither big nor clever, it should be tolerated in stressful moments. I would go further than this: swearing is not just tolerable as a stress reliever, it is one of the best ones going. It is free, it is easy to use, it doesn't cause sclerosis of the liver, and it doesn't involve wearing Lycra or getting sweaty.

The professor made another observation: swearing can help workers bond. Trotsky came up with a similar idea in the 1920s. He thought that swearing was a product of class oppression, and that as capitalism withered away, so would swearing.

Eighty years on, capitalism hasn't withered away and swearing hasn't either. Indeed, swearing has thrived at work: a recent survey showed that 76 per cent of UK office workers sometimes swore, while a similar study in the more priggish US showed that 44 per cent were cussers.

Swearing at work can not only bring people together, it can be used as a way of signalling informality. Last week, a senior manager I had previously thought was a stuffed shirt said something to me about a "bloody report", and I liked him a tiny bit more for it.

Swearing can also unite workers against customers in a harmlessly satisfying way. In restaurants, staff mince round tables asking if everything is alright, then back in the kitchen open their mouths and a volley of obscenities come out.

In most offices, staff have to be excessively polite on the phone, so it can sometimes be nice, after a particularly trying conversation, to be able to put the receiver down and mutter "wanker".

Employers quake at the legal consequences of swearing. The coach of the Knicks team in the US was sued by a former marketing executive who claimed he called her a "bitch" and a "fucking ho". In the UK, a company director who told his secretary she was an "intolerable bitch on Monday mornings" suffered the legal consequences.

However, such cases don't mean that all swearing needs to be eradicated, just that we need to learn how to swear better. There are a few simple principles that we should follow. Don't swear too much, as the impact is lost on repeated applications. Don't swear at anyone, particularly not a boss or a customer. Swearing is safest in the company of people at a similar level. Senior people may swear in private but should be careful about doing it in public. When the famously foul-mouthed retailer Sir Philip Green unleashed a stream of fucks and fuckings in a press interview he didn't look informal, he just looked crude and stupid.

There is also a hierarchy of offensiveness that needs to be observed. Shit, bollocks, bugger and bloody are all increasingly acceptable. Fuck, while off-limits 20 years ago at work, is now accepted in many offices. Cunt, on the other hand, is acceptable in almost none. Blasphemous words - damns and hells and Jesus Christs - are oddly becoming less acceptable than they used to be, especially in the US.

Indeed, in the US there is a regrettable backlash against any swearing at all. One anti-swearing consultant, writing in the US press this month, suggested that workers should set up a system of self-regulation. He recommended that employees should give a swift thumbs-down to any colleague caught "stepping over the profanity line".

This is a terrible idea. If someone had started giving me prissy hand signals as I started to swear last week my rage attack would have got a lot uglier.

Instead, I have a better suggestion: to convert old smoking rooms into swearing rooms. People feeling the need for some bonding or stress relief could dash to the rooms for a quick swear. There could be graffiti on all the walls saying "FUCK OFF" and worse. Inside you would scream: "Shitface! Motherfucker! Wanker!" Yet even thinking about the room I wonder if it might not achieve another purpose. After a minute or two inside, employees might emerge cured of swearing altogether and wanting to wash out their mouths with soapy water.

本篇专栏含粗言秽语。不仅如此，本篇专栏的内容正是关于粗话——这就解释了为何本文包含了一些此类语言。在写这篇专栏时，我面临一个两难困境：要么把粗口全部说出来，这有冒犯读者的风险；要么用星号表示，但这又有冒犯我自己的风险。

我选择了前者，因为写f***或s***就像在狗屎周围加装饰花边。狗屎依然在那里：透过花边的洞眼，你可以看到它，而且闻起来一样臭。这种欲盖弥彰的手法，更令人讨厌。

既然我做出了上述警告，就可以讲一个几天前发生在我身上的事儿。当时是晚上6点5分，我的专栏超过了截稿期限。我匆匆忙忙地按下发送键，却忘了先要保存文档。一下子，这篇专栏消失得无影无踪。

“他妈的！”我说。这不是一个善于言辞的反应，但在当时那种情况下我不得不如此。我花了一整天的时间修辞造，现在却得全部从头开始。

“操，操，操, 他妈的，他妈的，他妈的，”我说道。这些词汇在某种程度上具有不妥协的性质，让我开始觉得舒服了一点。

最近，英国东安格利亚大学(University of East Anglia)教授耶胡达•巴鲁克(Yehuda Baruch)称，在工作中爆粗口可能是件好事。巴鲁克教授因此上了报刊杂志的头条。巴鲁克认为，尽管讲粗口并不是什么大问题，也不明智，但在压力大的时候，对这一点应该予以容忍。我愿意进一步加以发挥：作为一种缓解压力的方式，讲粗口不仅可以容忍，而且还是最好的方式之一。讲粗口很随意，容易使用，不会导致肝硬化，也不会涉及穿莱卡(Lycra)或是出汗。

巴鲁克教授提出了另一个观察结论：讲粗口可以有助于促进员工的团队精神。在上世纪20年代，俄国革命家托洛茨基(Trotsky)提出过一个类似的观点。他认为，讲粗口是阶级压迫的产物，随着资本主义的消亡，粗口也会随之消亡。

80年以后，资本主义并没有消亡，粗口也没有消亡。事实上，粗口在工作中普遍起来。近来一项调查结果显示，英国76%的员工有时讲粗口。在更加自负的美国，一项类似研究显示，44%的员工骂脏话。

在工作中讲粗口，不仅能将员工凝聚起来，还可以用来当作非正式交流的一种方式。最近，一位我原本认为爱摆架子的高级经理告诉我有关“混账报告”的一些事，我对他的好感也因此多了一丁点。

讲粗口还可以团结员工，以一种没有恶意且令人满意的方式来对待客户。在餐馆里，工作人员围着圆桌，询问顾客是否一切满意。然后，他们回到厨房，张嘴吐出一连串脏话。

在多数办公室里，员工在接打电话时要十二分地有礼貌。因此，有时，能够挂掉对方的电话，嘀咕上一句“混账”，可能感觉非常不错，在一次令人恼火的对话之后尤其如此。

雇主对讲粗口所带来的法律后果感到很害怕。美国尼克斯队(Knicks)的教练曾被一位前营销高管起诉，理由是他叫她“婊子”和“臭婊子”。在英国，一位公司主管对女秘书说，她在“每个周一早上都是个让人无法忍受的婊子”。这位公司主管也因此承担了法律后果。

然而，这种事不意味着需要根除一切骂人的话，我们只是需要学会怎样骂得好点儿。我们应该遵循一些简单的原则。别骂得太多，因为重复使用，就没有效果了。别随便是人就骂，特别是不能骂老板或客户。在级别差不多的一群人中说脏话最安全。高层人士可以在私下骂人，但在公共场合这么干就要小心了。零售商菲利普•格林爵士(Sir Philip Green)满嘴粗话是出了名的，当他在一次接受媒体采访时，讲出一串“他妈的”时，并不是显得不拘礼节，而只是看上去粗鲁、愚蠢。

攻击性言语也分等级，这需要我们留意。“Shit”、“bollocks”、“bugger”和“bloody”都越来越能被人接受。“Fuck”虽然在20年前是工作禁忌语，但如今在许多办公室都能接受。另一方面，“Cunt”几乎在任何场合都是不能被接受的。亵渎神灵的词“damns”、“hells”和“Jesus Christs”古怪地不像曾经那么能令人接受了，特别是在美国。

的确，在美国有一种反对说任何脏话的强烈反响，这挺可惜的。一位反对说脏话的顾问本月在美国媒体上撰文建议，员工们应建立一套自律体系。他建议，雇员应立刻反对任何“跨越亵渎神灵界线”的同事。

这是个可怕的想法。如果我开始骂人时，就有人开始给我做谨小慎微的手势，那么我愤怒的攻击言语会糟糕得多。

相反，我有一个更好的建议：将原来的吸烟室改装成骂人室。觉得需要联络感情或解压的人，可以冲进这些房间去骂骂人。所有的墙面上可能会有“FUCK OFF”和更坏脏话的涂鸦。你可以在里面喊：“Shitface! Motherfucker! Wanker!”然而，即便是想想这个房间，我也觉得这有可能实现另一个目的。在里面呆上一两分钟后，员工讲粗口的欲望就被治愈了，还会想用肥皂水洗洗自己的嘴巴。

译者/何黎

《商学院》