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2010-5-30 11:02
The Problem
I work on a charity committee with a man who has been in the news because the financial institution he founded has lost a breathtakingly large amount of money. We have a board meeting next week, and I was wondering what to do. Should I send him a card? If so, what do I write on it? I can't really say: “So very sorry that you've lost several billion dollars.” Or can I? Or do I say nothing? He is a very direct person, and I respect him but am also quite frightened of him. Charity director, female, 51 Lucy's Answer In the old days the etiquette was clear. Losing money was a disgrace. This man would have been off your committee in a trice and if your paths had ever crossed again you would have cold-shouldered him. When Anthony Trollope's villain Augustus Melmotte loses his fortune he is so traumatised by the shame that is bound to follow that taking his own life seems an easier way out. By contrast, losing one's money today is perfectly socially acceptable. It is quite possible to be on the front page of the newspapers for mislaying billions of pounds and then a few years later to be hailed as a financial wizard once again. Look at John Meriwether: one minute he was presiding over the collapse of LTCM, the next he has re-established himself as a hedge fund god. This means that you need feel no embarrassment or dismay about the financial predicament of your committee member. If you want to be nice to him you should show no discomfort and indeed pretend that it is fairly normal to lose so much. Don't dream of showing sympathy: alpha males tend not to want the pity of women who run charities. Don't think of sending a card. This isn't a bereavement. Hallmark hasn't yet made “heartfelt condolences on your financial ruin” cards – for a reason. Financial collapse isn't really a greetings-card occasion. If I were you I would briefly acknowledge it when he turns up. Say something like: “Thanks for coming today. I gather you have one or two other little things going on at the moment.” And hope he has the good grace to laugh. Your Advice Send card What's the problem? Send a card saying: “I was sorry to hear the news about the bank. I know that you will pull it round. I look forward to seeing you next week.” He will be surprised and pleased. Lawyer, male, 62 Lotto card The board meeting is to deal with charity business and you should not be distracted by his company's problems. Say nothing. However, during the meeting, discreetly pass him a National Lotto scratch card. It will send out the signal that you sympathise and are keen to help in any way that you can. Broker, male, 45 Ask for cash Propose a new fund-raising campaign and say that you would like a large donation to kick it off. The guy whose firm lost billions will dig deep to show that he is doing OK. You will know how much it hurt and will never fear him again. Fund manager, male, 54 Say nothing Next time you see him let him raise the subject first – anything else will seem patronising (unless you too have lost a couple of billion). Don't worry, he will bring the matter up, probably in a joking fashion. Lawyer, male Elephant The real question is the reputational damage to the charity. The guy likes directness. Bring it up at the board meeting so everyone can discuss it like adults. Don't leave the elephant in the middle of the table. Change agent, male, 55 Buffoon What does this buffoon do for your charity besides intimidate you? Provide financial advice? It's proved worthless. Use his connections? He's now a pariah. Donate his personal wealth? The lawyers are about to descend on that. Ask yourself – and him – what he's still doing on your committee. Male, director, 39 问题我在一个慈善委员会工作，里面有一名男士最近上了新闻，因为他创立的金融机构出现了令人咋舌的巨额亏损。我们下周将召开董事会会议，而我不清楚该做些什么。我应该给他寄张卡片吗？果真如此的话，我该在卡片上写些什么呢？我总不能说：“得知你损失了几十亿美元，我非常遗憾。”或许我可以这么说？或者我什么都不说？他是个非常直接的人，我尊敬他，但也非常害怕他。
慈善主管，女，51岁 露西的回答 在以往的岁月中，礼节很清晰。损失金钱是丢面子的事情。这个人很快就会离开你的慈善委员会，假如你们日后再相逢，你不应再搭理他。当安东尼•特罗洛普(Anthony Trollope)笔下的恶棍奥古斯塔斯•梅尔莫特(Augustus Melmotte)丧失掉他的财富时，随着而来的耻辱使他羞愧难当，自杀看来是一种更轻松的解脱方式。 相反，在当今岁月，损失金钱在社会上完全可接受。损失数十亿英镑的事情很可能出现在报纸的头版，甚至在几年之后还可以享有金融预言家的美誉。看看约翰•梅里维瑟(John Meriwether)的例子吧：头一分钟他一手导演了长期资本管理公司(LTCM)的破产，紧接着就把自己重新塑造成一个对冲基金上帝。 这意味着你没有必要为慈善委员会这名成员的财务困境表现出任何窘迫或沮丧。假如你真希望对他表示善意，也千万不要表露出任何形式的不安，反而要佯装损失这么多的金钱实在是太过稀松平常了。别指望表现怜悯能管什么用：猛男们很少需要经营慈善事业的女士来显露怜悯。 也别想着寄贺卡。这不是葬礼。贺曼(Hallmark)还没有印制发售写着“对您的金融破产，我感到由衷哀悼”的贺卡——这是原因之一。金融破产之际可不是送贺卡的好时机。 假如换作是我，就只会在他露面时简单暗示自己知情即可。适当的说辞包括：“感谢你今天能光临。我知道你现在正面临着些许麻烦。”然后，希望他有足够的风度能一笑而过吧。 读者的建议 寄卡片 有什么关系呢？寄一张卡片，写上：“听到有关这家银行的消息我非常难过。我相信你能扭转败局。希望下周能再见到你。”这将给他带来意外的惊喜和愉悦。 律师，男，62岁 乐透彩票 董事会会议是用来处理慈善事务的，你不应为他公司的问题而分散精力。什么也不要说。不过，在会议过程中，小心谨慎地递给他一张全国乐透抽奖的刮刮卡。这一举动释放出的讯号是：你对他的遭遇表示怜悯，并愿意提供任何形式的帮助。 券商，男，45岁 索要资金 提议展开新一轮的融资活动，表示自己需要一大笔捐助才能启动这项活动。这个损失数十亿美元的家伙必将倾其所有进行捐助，以显示自己的情况还算不错。你就能知道他所遭受的伤害有多大，从此不再害怕他。 基金经理，男，54岁 保持沉默 下回当你见到他时，让他先谈起这个话题——任何其他方式都显得好像施恩一样（除非你自己也损失了几十亿）。不要担心，他自己会谈到这个问题的，也许就在开玩笑的场合。 律师，男 直面问题 真正的问题是这对慈善结构的声誉所造成的损害。这家伙喜欢直率。在董事会会议上提起这个问题，这样所有人都能象成年人一样讨论它。不要回避问题。 汇兑代理，男，55岁 小丑 除了为难你，这个小丑能为你的慈善机构做什么呢？提供金融建议？事实已证明他毫无价值。利用他的联系？他现在已是个无赖。捐助他的个人财富？律师将处理这些问题。问问你自己——还有他本人——他还留在慈善委员会里做什么？ 主管，男，39岁 译者/管自力 |