【英语生活】该不该容忍大男子主义的男友？

I am an economist, as is my boyfriend. We started dating as students, but after four years we broke up for a couple of months because of differences in our ways of thinking. We always supported each other professionally, but things changed. I got a job in a multinational organisation, but he didn't like me travelling, going out for business dinners, or even spending time at the office.

His father was head of the family, while his mother stayed at home; both my parents worked. (We live in Paraguay, which is quite chauvinistic.) Probably, he thinks women have to stay at home, yet he fell in love with me because of my aspirations. I've said that maybe he needs to marry a woman who wants to be a housewife. I gave him another chance, as I love him. Should I be patient?
L.E.

Dear L.E.,

The economist Betsey Stevenson has discovered that in US states that liberalised divorce laws, couples became less willing to support each other through expensive courses. That makes sense: easy divorce raised the spectre of being dumped once hubby had spent your money and acquired his law degree.

Your own situation is the reverse. Your boyfriend supported you while you built up your human capital, but now spurns the payoff. You are right to be suspicious, I think. Your boyfriend wrongly thought that you would change; you face a similar disappointment.

There is another, more calculating, explanation. Roland Fryer, an economist fascinated by the causes of African-American under-achievement, theorises that some people find professional qualifications disturbing because they allow a credible exit from any relationship. You've given yourself that option; your boyfriend has given you reason to use it.

亲爱的经济学家：

我与我男友都是经济学家。我们在学生时代就开始约会，但4年后，我们因思维方式不同分手了几个月。我们以前总是在职业方面互相支持，但后来情况发生了变化。我在一家跨国组织中找到了份工作，但他不喜欢我出差、出席商务晚宴，甚至不喜欢我待在办公室。

他的父亲是一家之主，母亲则是家庭主妇；而我的父母都有工作。（我们住在巴拉圭，这里的大男子主义相当盛行。）或许，他认为女人必须待在家里。但他之所以爱上我，是因为我有抱负。我曾对他说，也许他应该娶一位想作家庭主妇的女人。我又给了他一次机会，因为我爱他。我应该容忍他吗？

L.E.

亲爱的L.E.：

经济学家贝齐•史蒂文森(Betsey Stevenson)发现，在美国那些放宽了离婚法的州，夫妻双方变得不那么愿意支持对方去读昂贵的职业课程了。这有一定的道理：离婚越容易，妻子就越担心——担心一旦丈夫花了她的钱、获得了他的法律学位，就会抛弃她。

你的情况恰好相反。你的男朋友在你发展自己的人力资本时支持你，而现在却对你的成绩嗤之以鼻。我认为，你有疑虑也很正常。你的男朋友错误的认为你会改变；而你的失望情绪也同样由此所致。

如果考虑得再深一些，那么还有这样一种解释。对非裔美国人低成就的原因具有浓厚兴趣的经济学家罗兰•弗赖尔(Roland Fryer)提出了一个理论：有些人觉得职业资格令人烦恼，因为它们为退出一段感情提供了后路。你已经给了自己那项选择权；而你的男朋友也给了你运用那项选择权的理由。

译者/董琴