【英语生活】怎么与有钱女友相处？

I've been dating a great, loving and caring woman for a year and a half. She's in her early thirties – eight years older than me – and works as a senior manager in a big company; she earns around £60,000pa, and her company provides a car and a city-centre flat. I am about to finish my PhD and my stipend is £14,000pa.

We're in love and think it's about time to move our relationship to the next level – which is moving in together. However, I feel that my girlfriend is stingy towards me. I'm the one who treats at posh restaurants and buys expensive gifts, and when we spoke about me moving into her flat she said that I'd have to pay the bills in return.

I'm finding it silly to mention such things, but they do annoy me. Am I shallow, greedy and opportunist? I understand her pay isn't supposed to be a perk of our relationship but I must admit that, deep inside, I feel that a better lifestyle out of it wouldn't go amiss.

Confused student

Dear Confused,

Your girlfriend is testing you, and you are at risk of failing. Naturally she is pleased to have a young, intelligent boyfriend, but she is worried that you only love her for her cash and will dump her for a younger model once you have a decent income of your own.

So she is using a “screen”, as described by Nobel laureate Michael Spence. By ensuring that she remains a cost centre rather than a cash cow, she is creating a situation that would be intolerable to a genuine gold-digger. She wants to see how you react, but by assuming that the “next level” is a free apartment for you, rather than a proposal of marriage, you are simply confirming her fears. Forget the flat, buy her a diamond ring, and she will mellow.

All this assumes, of course, that she is not just a miserly sociopath. Either way, good luck.

亲爱的经济学家：

我与一位出色、可爱而又善解人意的女性交往了一年半。她三十岁出头，比我大八岁，是一家大公司的高级经理，年薪大约6万英镑，公司给了她一辆汽车和一套位于市中心的公寓。我即将念完博士学位，每年的津贴是1万4千英镑。

我们彼此相爱，认为该把我们的关系发展到下一步了，也就是住到一起。可我觉得，我的女友对我很小气。我会请她到高级餐厅用餐，给她买贵重的礼物，可谈起我搬到她的公寓时，她却说，要住进去，我得支付各种账单。

我觉得提这种事很蠢，但它们确实让我感到苦恼。我是不是肤浅、贪心，像个机会主义者？我明白，不能把她的薪水当作我们俩关系的一块甜点，但我得承认，在我内心深处，我觉得靠这过上更好的生活并没什么不妥。

困惑的学生

亲爱的困惑者：

你的女友正在考验你，而你有可能通不过。她自然很高兴有一个年轻、聪明的男友，但她担心你只是爱她的钱，一旦你自己有了体面的收入，就会甩了她，去找一个更年轻的女朋友。

因此，用诺贝尔奖得主迈克尔•斯宾塞(Michael Spence)的话来说，她正在使用“筛子”。通过确保她仍是一个成本中心，而非提款机，她正在营造一种真正的掘金者无法容忍的情形。她想看看你会有什么反应。假设你所谓的“下一步”是让你有一套免费的公寓，而不是求婚，你就证实了她的顾虑。忘掉那所公寓吧，给她买个钻戒，她会变得柔情似水的。

当然，这一切的假设前提都是，她不是一个愤世嫉俗的吝啬鬼。不管怎样，祝你好运！

译者/何黎