【英语社会】网上交友

My Most Glamorous Girlfriend is internet dating. Is that so terrible? She recommended the experience to another single woman the other day, whose response was "I am not that desperate."Why is it that internet dating is regarded as desperate? I think whether you are the CEO of one of the world's largest oil companies, or a beautiful twice-divorced blonde such as MGG, you should be allowed to seek a mate on the internet without being ashamed of it.

Cyberspace strikes me as the perfect place to find someone with whom you are compatible, mainly because you can screen out unsuitable candidates at an early stage without having to waste an enormous amount of emotional energy on them. I have fallen for people on sight only to discover later on that they were obsessive compulsives, or had read only one book in their entire lives, or liked Wagner - all of which I could have discovered had I cyber- chatted to them for a while before meeting them in the first place.

The really great thing, of course, is that you can specify what you are looking for in someone. Take this, for instance: "...must be young, handsome (I lay most stress upon a good shape), sensible, well-bred, chaste and tender, of some good nature, a great deal of generosity...". No, this is not an internet ad, but the beginning of a 1779 specification written by Thomas Hamilton, one of the founding fathers of the US, when he was looking for a wife. Solvency was also important to him: "As to fortune, the larger the better. Though I run no risk of going to purgatory for my avarice, yet as money is an essential ingredient to happiness in this world - as I have not much of my own and as I am very little calculated to get more either by my address or industry - it must needs be that my wife, if I get one, bring at least a sufficiency to administer to her own extravagancies."

Think how much easier it would have been for him to have been able to use the internet! But even MGG (whose extravagancies would have finished off Thomas Hamilton, I think) was initially reluctant - I had to drag her round to my office one evening, ply her with drink and then sign her up to two sites and pay for them myself before she agreed to go ahead. But once signed up, she embraced the process with enthusiasm, seeking out a suitable photo (not too glamorous, not too ghastly) and attaching it to her details.

The response was - literally - overwhelming. She had specified an age range of 50-60, so begging letters from mere boys of 35 were repudiated (despite the fact that several of them advanced the argument that they were likely to be more vigorous than people over 50). She set about whittling down the likely candidates from the 150 who applied to a list short enough to interview personally - eliminating the ones who reassured her that they still had their own teeth. From there she granted second interviews to a handful and then third and subsequent interviews to just one, who was divorced with a child of a similar age to MGG's child.

I have not met him yet but I have read his profile on the internet. He appears to be doing all the right things - whisking her away on her birthday for a romantic weekend and a Van Morrison concert, cooking her dinner, driving her to the airport at ungodly hours of the morning. I haven't asked about the sex, but if I learn that he puts his dirty laundry into the basket instead of on to the floor that will put the seal on my jealousy.

I met Mr M 20 years ago this month, and the internet didn't exist for the masses then. But we were still matched by computer - the Qantas computer that allocated us adjacent seats on the flight. We remain together, laundry habits notwithstanding. But if he ever puts me back on to the secondary market, I shall be rushing with enthusiasm - not desperation - to the internet.

我的“万人迷”女友在进行网上约会。这很可怕吗？有一天，她将这种体验推荐给另一位单身女士，对方的反应是“我可没那么疯狂。”为什么人们会认为这种网上约会是疯狂的呢？我觉得，无论你是一家全球大型石油公司的首席执行官，还是像“万人迷”女友这样一位离过两次婚的金发碧眼美女，你都有权在网上寻找配偶，而用不着觉得害羞。



网络空间给我的印象是，它是个寻找志趣相投伴侣的理想场所，这主要是因为你能在最初阶段就把不合适的候选者筛出局，而不用在他们身上浪费巨大的感情精力。我曾经对一些人一见钟情，后来却发现他们要么是强迫症、要么一生中只读过一本书、要么喜欢瓦格纳(Wagner)——如果在我第一次与他们见面之前，和他们在网上聊一会儿，我就能发现所有这一切。



当然，真正重要的是，你能明确指出你要在某人身上寻找什么东西。以此为例：“……必须年轻、漂亮（我更注重不错的身材）、明智、有教养、正派而又温柔、人品好、非常大度……”不，这不是一个网络广告，而是托马斯•汉密尔顿(Thomas Hamilton)1779年在寻找妻子时写的一份详细说明的开头。汉密尔顿是美国创始人之一。偿付能力对他也很重要：“至于财富，越多越好。尽管我没有因贪婪而陷入困境的风险，但由于在这个世界上金钱是幸福至关重要的因素，由于我自己没有多少钱，而且无论从我的演讲还是职业，我都不太可能获得更多的钱，因此必需的一点是，如果我能找到一个妻子，她至少足以满足自己的挥霍所需。”



想想如果他能上网，那么将会容易多少！但即便是“万人迷”女友（我认为她的挥霍程度足以使托马斯•汉密尔顿破产）最初也很勉强——一天晚上，我不得不把她拽到办公室，不停地给她灌酒，然后让她在两个网站上签约，而且在她同意继续之前我还自己掏钱网站付费。不过，一旦签了约，她便以无限热情享受着这个过程：找一张合适的照片（不要太迷人，但也不要太苍白），并把它贴在自己详细介绍上。



确切地讲，反响是强烈的。她将年龄范围确定在50至60岁之间，因此来自仅仅35岁男孩子的求爱信就被拒绝了（尽管其中一些人辩称，他们可能比50岁以上的人更有活力）。她着手从150名提出申请的可能候选者中进行大幅删减，列成足够短的名单已备相亲——排除了那些向她保证自己不全是假牙的人。此后，她又对一小群人进行了第二次相亲，之后是第三次，接下来的相亲只针对一个人，这个人也离婚了，他的孩子与“万人迷”女友的孩子年龄相仿。

迄今为止，我还没见到他，但我在网上读了他的简介。他似乎做了所有正确的事——在她生日时和她一起共度了一个浪漫周末，听了一场范•莫里森(Van Morrison)的音乐会，为她做饭，在早晨令人头痛的时间开车送她去机场。我没有询问关于性的问题，但如果我知道他将自己的脏衣服放在篮子里，而不是地板上，那么我无疑是会嫉妒的。

在20年前的这个月，我遇到了钱眼先生，那个时候大众还不能使用互联网。但我们还是通过电脑配对的—— 澳洲航空公司(Qantas)的电脑将我们分配在飞机的临近座位上。我们一直在一起，尽管洗衣习惯不太一样。但如果他将我退回到“二级市场”，我将以充分的热情（而不是疯狂）奔向互联网。



译者/梁鸥