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2010-5-30 03:27
THE PROBLEM
Ten days before the expected delivery date of our first child, I am due to go on a business trip to Los Angeles with my boss. The trip is an important one and if I say I can't go, I fear it will mark my card as someone not serious about work. It will also mean that a sly colleague (who is always trying to get one over on me) will go instead. I've no reason to think the baby will come early but LA is eight hours away and if I miss the birth, my wife will never forgive me. Manager, male, 29 LUCY'S ANSWER Most readers seem to think this is the easiest problem ever posed in this slot. There can be no contest, they say, between a business trip and a baby's birth, and even asking the question makes you a monster. I don't see it like that. This is simply the first in a series of tricky decisions you will have to make balancing work and family - all of which will involve weighing up conflicting issues. For a start, the baby will probably be late and so, if you go, you are unlikely to miss the birth. Second, even if you stay at home you may miss it by fainting, or fail to be any help and succeed only in annoying your wife. On the other hand, I doubt if your boss would mark you down for staying at home: you have a copper-bottomed excuse that even the most child-unfriendly boss will accept. Even so, you may hurt your career by staying by your wife's side as you'll be missing out on an opportunity to shine and you'll be giving your cocky rival an undeserved leg up. What you finally decide, though, is not something I can help you with. It depends on what you and your wife want. My own husband nearly missed the birth of three out of our four children: the first child for complicated reasons involving a broken-down car and a heavy night out; the second because the baby came quickly; and the fourth owing to a bothersome work deadline. Only with the third was he present throughout, and saw the birth as an opportunity to interview the young doctor about the new purchaser-provider split in the National Health Service. The moment of birth is not the most special event in a child's life. There are an infinite number of other special ones that follow. YOUR ADVICE Don't risk it I was faced with an almost identical quandary last year with our firstborn. If you've got an emotional bone in your body, could you forgive yourself if you missed it? I know I couldn't have. And by the way, I got invited on the same trip this year. Banker, male, 31 It'll cost you I was in a similar situation and chose to go and issue a eurobond and missed the birth of my daughter. Although our eurobond was successful, you have no idea how much I have spent on jewellery for my wife to get over the guilt. Banker, male Save your fire I made the mistake of going to a Christmas bash a few days after the birth of my second child. Coming back to a miserable wife being sick while trying to cope at 2am was an unforgettable experience. Manager, male Induce her Have your wife induced before you leave. My wife went into labour only hours after I returned from atrip. By the time the baby arrived, I had been awake for 48 hours - it looked as if I'd been through childbirth in the subsequent photos. Surveyor, male, 37 Go to LA My sailor husband-to- be told me his ship would come first in our life, and so it was for 40 years. Our marriage is still going strong after 53 years. Your wife must understand that the pay cheque is far more important. Have someone film the birth and go to LA. Sailor's wife, 70s Do both With a laptop computer and two- way voice/picture technology, there is no reason why you can't attend your business trip while also providing encouragement to your wife. Educator, male, 52 The next problem I am the chairman of a UK company arranging a board visit to our operations in the US. Three of the non-executives are insisting on travelling club class, claiming that they will not be able to work otherwise. Ours is a strongly egalitarian company and it is our policy for all flights to be in economy. When the US team visits us, this is how they travel; I fear that if they discover different rules apply to the board they will be disillusioned. But if I force the non-execs into steerage I will be losing their goodwill. What should I do? Chairman, male, 54 问题
我的妻子即将临产，这是我们的第一个孩子。在她的预产期前10天，我要与老板一起去洛杉矶出差。此行对公司来说十分重要，我能被选中也是一种荣耀。如果我说不能去的话，估计老板也能够理解。但我担心这将给人留下对待工作不认真的印象，而且，这还意味着一个阴险的同事（他总是试图超过我）将代替我去。我没有理由认为孩子将提前出生，但如果出现这种情况，洛杉矶距离这里有8个小时的航程（我恐怕赶不回来）。如果妻子分娩时我不在身边，她永远都不会原谅我。 经理，男性，29 露西的回答 大部分读者似乎认为，这是此档专栏里提出过的最简单的问题。他们表示，就重要性而言，出差根本不能与孩子出生相提并论。甚至提出这个问题本身就意味着，你是个怪人。 我不这么认为。在平衡工作与家庭方面，你将不得不做出一系列艰难的决定，这只不过是第一个。所有这些决定都需要你对各种矛盾的问题进行权衡。 首先，孩子有可能迟于预产期出生，因此出差也未必会错过孩子出生。其次，即使你留在家中，也可能因为在妻子分娩时突然昏倒而错过孩子的降生。或者，你什么忙都帮不上，到头来反而惹你妻子讨厌。 但另一方面，我不信你的上司会因为你选择留在家中而对你产生成见：你有一个无懈可击的理由，再不喜欢小孩的上司，也会接受这个理由的。尽管如此，留在妻子身边还是可能影响到你的事业，因为你将失去一个闪光的机会，还让你那个自大的竞争对手凭白得了好处。 不过，你最终作何决定，并不是我能左右的。它取决于你和你妻子的意愿。 我自己有四个孩子，而我的丈夫几乎错过了其中三个孩子的出生：第一次的原因很复杂，他的车出了问题，有一晚出去喝酒又喝多了；第二次是因为胎儿早产；而第三次赶是工作上的最后期限。只有在第三个孩子出生时，他是全程在场的，还趁机就国民健康服务(NHS)购买方与供给方分离的新制度，采访了那位年轻的医生。 在孩子的一生中，出生那一刻并不是最特别的，接下来还会有不计其数的特别时刻等你见证。 读者的建议 别冒这个险 我们第一个孩子出生时，我面临着和你差不多的两难选择。如果你骨子里是个重感情的人，你会原谅自己错过这种时刻吗？我知道我是不会原谅自己的。顺便说一句，我今年重新得到了当时错过的那次出差机会。 银行家，男性，31 出差会让你付出代价 我碰到过类似的情况，当时我选择出差去发行一笔欧洲债券，结果错过了女儿的降生。虽然我们的欧洲债券很成功，但你想象不到，为了消除内疚感，我花了多少钱为我妻子购买珠宝。 银行家，男性 先救自家的火吧 我犯过这样一个错误：在第二个孩子出生几天后，我外出参加了一个圣诞聚会。等我回到家时，妻子的状况很惨——她凌晨两点还在哄孩子，自己也病倒了。我永远都不会忘记那次经历。 经理，男性 进行催生 走之前先让医生为你妻子进行催生。我妻子开始分娩时，我才刚出差回到家几个小时。到孩子出生时，我已经连续48个小时没合眼了——从后来的照片上看，我憔悴得好像也经历了分娩一样。 测量师，男性，37岁 去洛杉矶吧 我的丈夫是一名水手，结婚前他就告诉我，我们的生活将以他的船为重，接下来40年的情况的确如此。我们已经结婚53年，但感情还是很好。你的妻子必须明白，挣钱远比留下来陪她重要。可以请人把孩子出生的过程拍下来，然后就动身去洛杉矶吧。 水手的妻子，70多岁。 两者可以兼顾 只需要一部笔记本电脑和双向音频/图象技术，你完全可以一边出差一边给你的妻子鼓劲。 教育工作者，男性，52岁 下一个问题 我是英国一家公司的董事长，目前正安排董事会参观美国业务部门的行程。有三名非执行董事坚称要乘坐公务舱，否则将无法工作。我们是一家推崇平等主义的公司，公司政策规定所有员工出差都乘坐经济舱。我们的美国团队来英国访问时，坐的就是经济舱。我担心，如果他们发现董事会成员享受着不同待遇，会感到大失所望。但如果我强迫那些非执行董事乘坐经济舱，又会令他们对我感到不满。我该怎么做呢？ 董事长，男性，54岁 |