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2010-5-30 03:19
Question
When I ran a division of a big media company a couple of years back, a member of staff came to me to say his team leader had “stolen” his girlfriend and that he couldn't work with him any more – and that his colleagues were disgusted at this man's behaviour. I said I was sympathetic, but there was nothing I could or should do about it. I subsequently left the company and thought no more about it until I read about the England football team manager sacking the captain, John Terry. I must confess to amazement. Did I get it wrong? Executive, male, 45 Lucy's answer No, you didn't get it wrong. The team leader didn't steal the girlfriend; she simply decided to trade in the junior team member for the senior one. I can see that the underling might not have been happy about it. I can see it might have given him reason to loathe his boss, but I really don't see that it was your concern. The team leader may (or may not) have acted in a caddish manner in the market for women. But this does not affect his value in the labour market at all. In fact, I'm not sure if there is anything nasty that one person can legally do to another outside working hours that would require the intervention of a manager. It is only if such things start to damage performance at work that you have to intervene – and you don't say whether this was the case. Perhaps you quit too soon to find out. Frequently, managers have to deal with situations when one person finds that they can't work with another because they can't disguise their deep antipathy. Then the manager has to decide whether to bang heads together and tell them both to sort it out, or whether to move one of them. The only reason for disciplining the team leader would be if, as the victim claimed, the entire team now viewed him as such a cad that they were no longer prepared to work for him. In that case you'd have to get rid of him – not because of the girl, but because he couldn't lead the team. But I'd be very surprised if this turned out to be the case. Even if the team was made up entirely of religious fundamentalists who felt unusually protective towards him, they would still have had to whip themselves up into a state of moral hysteria for work relationships to have broken down so badly. The John Terry affair was quite different, and was shaped by a public storm of phoney moral outrage. The decision to sack him had little to do with girlfriends or football or leadership or morality. Instead, it was made largely by the media, which had suddenly decided that the captain of the England football team must be a role model not only to his team but to the nation. The true lesson of this story: be thankful that you work in the media rather than being at the mercy of it. Your advice Corporate pimping It isn't a boss's job to mediate squabbles arising from what was said down the pub or who slept with whom at the weekend. Otherwise, it would lead to the honeytrap scenarios of the cold war. Rather than sleeping your way to the top you could get your partner to sleep with your boss for you, then have them removed. Corporate pimping? Perhaps. Male, anon False distinction Do we think this situation would be different if a client's girlfriend had been “stolen”, and if so on what exact basis do we justify the distinction? Male, anon Cathartic discussion Ask this member of staff if he would like to discuss the matter openly with the team leader in front of you, dwelling on the impact on team morale and efficiency. To get it all out in the open could be highly satisfying and cathartic. Manager, female, 46 Nip it in the bud It depends how crucial your team leader and his team was to the whole operation. If it was dealing with critical contract negotiations or similar, then you faced the prospect of a divided group with simmering conflicts. Fabio Capello took the correct action; he nipped it in the bud to stop ongoing tensions interrupting the England team's focus. Male, anon Cover your own back You should not have ignored it. If your organisation is large, you should move or promote one or both to different roles or departments. If it is small, you should keep an eye on the situation to guard against the new “owner” starting to lord it over the cuckolded former partner; which would leave you open if there are subsequent charges of harassment or bullying. Male, anon Don't touch it Office relationships are really messy and none of us except the protagonists ever knows what has actually gone on behind the bedroom door. Unless one of the consenting adults is John Terry – since different rules may have to be applied to figures in the public eye – the best policy for managers is to avoid any action that allocates blame unless coffee machine gossip starts to impact on performance in a long-term way. But 99 times out of 100, it won't. Managing director, male, 50s 问题
几年前，我在一家大型媒体公司担任部门主管。一次，一名员工跑来找我，说他的团队负责人“抢”了他的女友，自己再也无法与之共事了。他还说，其他同事都对这位负责人的行为不齿。我说我对此表示同情，但做不了什么，也不应该做什么。随后，我离开了这家公司，把这件事丢到了脑后，直到我在报纸上看到，英格兰足球队经理解除了约翰?特里(John Terry)的队长职务。我必须承认自己相当吃惊。那件事我做错了吗？ 主管，男，45岁 露西的回答 不，你没有做错。那位团队负责人并没有抢别人的女友；她只不过决定用一个低级别职员换一个高级别的。那位下属可能对此忿忿不平，这我能理解。他因此会憎恨上司，这我也能理解，但我真的不认为这是你该管的事。那位团队负责人在追求女人方面，手段可能有些下流（也可能没有）。但这丝毫不会影响他在劳动力市场的价值。 实际上，我想不出一个人在工作之余，能对别人做出什么合法的龌龊事儿，以至于要惊动经理。只有当这些事情开始影响工作表现时，你才应该插手，而你并没有说情况是否如此。或许，你工作换得太早了，还没来得及发现。 经理们常常需要应对这样的情况：由于无法掩饰强烈的反感，一个人发现自己无法与另一个人共事。于是，经理不得不决定，是把当事人叫到一起，命令双方解决问题，还是把其中一方调走。如果如受害人所说的那样，现在整个团队都把那位团队负责人看作一个无耻之徒，都不再打算为他效力了，这也许会成为你惩戒他的唯一理由。那样的话，你就必须除掉他——原因不在于那个女孩子，而是他无法领导团队了。但如果事实真是如此，我会非常吃惊的。即使整个团队都是虔诚的宗教信徒，对他异常呵护，但要让工作关系破裂到这种地步，他们仍需努力调动情绪，让自己陷入道义上的狂热。 约翰?特里的事件截然不同，公众虚伪的道德义愤左右了整个事件的发展。解雇决定与女友、足球、领导力或是道德，都没有什么关系。相反，这件事主要受到了媒体的推动。媒体突然认为，英格兰足球队长必须不仅要是整个球队的楷模，还要成为整个国家的楷模。 这个故事真正的教训在于：你应该感到庆幸，自己是在媒体工作，而不是媒体摆布的对象。 您的建议 在公司拉皮条 酒吧里传出什么闲话，周末谁和谁上床了……调停此类问题引起的纷争，不是老板的职责。否则，这就会演变成冷战时期美人计的场景。与其自己一路睡到高位，还不如让你的另一半代替你，和你的老板睡觉，接着把他们两个都踢开。你说这是在公司拉皮条？也许算吧。 男，佚名 错误的区别 如果是一位客户的女友被“抢”了，我们会认为情况有所不同吗？要是那样的话，我们到底是根据什么来证明应该区别对待？ 男，佚名 宣泄讨论 问问这名手下，他是否愿意当着你的面和团队负责人公开谈论这件事情，把这件事对团队士气和效率的影响讲出来。把事情说开会令人心情舒畅，有很好的宣泄作用。 经理，女，46岁 扼杀在萌芽状态 这取决于这位团队负责人及其团队对整个公司运转的重要程度。如果他们负责的是关键的合同谈判等事宜，那么你可能要面对一个离心离德的团队，冲突随时可能爆发。英国队教练法比奥?卡佩罗(Fabio Capello)采取了正确的行动：把问题扼杀在萌芽状态，防止愈演愈烈的紧张态势干扰英国队的关注重心。 保护好自己 你不应忽视这个问题。如果你的公司很庞大，你应该把其中一个人或者两个人都挪到或升职到其它岗位或部门。如果公司不大，你应密切关注事态的发展，防止那个女孩子新的“所有者”开始在那个戴了绿帽子的前任面前耀武扬威；如果以后有人控告受到了骚扰或欺负，这会让你受到攻击的。 男，佚名 别管这事儿 办公室关系的确很棘手，除了当事人，我们谁都不知道卧室里到底发生了什么。除非偷情的一方是约翰?特里——因为对于公众人物，可能必须采取不同的规定——否则只要咖啡间流传的闲话没有影响到团队表现（百分之九十九的情况都会是这样），经理的最好对策就是避而不去追究责任。 董事总经理，男，50多岁 译者/陈云飞 |